The Chemo/Corona Chronicles: A New Day

Updated: Sep 8

21 March

I had a full-blown panic attack yesterday, it was scary. Thank God for Ativan! I managed to laugh my way through cutting and shaving my hair with my crazy mother and brother entertaining me. It's amazing how scared I was and then once it was done, it wasn't that bad, I was pleasantly surprised.

I've realised that the only way to get over fear is to move through it and get to the other side of it.

the next morning I did get a bit of a shock when I saw my reflection but truth be told its growing on me and I feel quite liberated! Here I am, no breasts, expanders that feel like rocks in my chest and the craziest thing is, I feel free. Free from the loop in my mind, obsessing over losing weight, criticising myself if not at my optimum.

It is truly liberating, shedding my old patterns to make way for the new, a lighter, kinder way of being.

Did you know that every year millions of people travel to two temples in southern India, hoping for an answer to their prayers. But every miracle requires a sacrifice - and many pilgrims sacrifice their hair.

The practice of hair-shaving - or "tonsuring" as it is termed when done for religious reasons - is associated with an ancient Hindu myth. There are several versions of the myth but they centre on the god Vishnu, who was hit on the head with an axe, causing him to lose a section of his hair. The angel Neela Devi then offered a lock of her hair as a replacement, and Vishnu was so grateful that he thereafter granted wishes to anyone who offered their hair as a sacrifice. The southern states of Tamil Nadu and Andhra Pradesh are where most hair tonsuring in India takes place. Two of the main Hindu temples, in the towns of Tirutanni and Tirupati, collect tonnes of human hair every month. One woman said, "As the barber was shaving I felt my problems lifting away" Around the temple compounds, in long halls known as Kalyankattan or "places of happiness", hundreds of barbers dressed in white sit in rows, with pilgrims at their feet. Hair traders collect the barrels every week. Many temples form contracts with traders, while others hold auctions, selling it to the highest bidder. Tirupati temple, the largest collector of human hair in the world - and also the most visited holy place in the world, with an average of 100,000 pilgrims per day - nets an average $3m (£2.1m) a year from this trade. The money is used for charitable work, schools and maintaining the temple grounds.

Whew, now I can breathe, the scariest part is over, and I survived it. I welcome all the beautiful miracles coming my way. I want to thank you all for reaching out, your heartwarming messages and comments on Facebook. I just want to tell each and every one of you, that your support means the world to me and fills my heart with so much love and faith that it will all be ok. I'm sending everyone who is reading this the biggest virtual hug and tell you this.

As I'm still in self-quarantine, and now I definitely can't even see my family since the lockdown. Can you actually believe what is going on in this world? it's like a freaking movie! I have been totally OCD about washing my hands, wearing a mask, gloves and sunglasses to the hospital and if people want to get into the elevator, I ask them kindly to refrain from doing so, as I have a compromised immune system due to chemo. A bit of a diva move I know, but very necessary and most people did get a shock at first but oblige. What can I say drastic times call for drastic measures. It really hasn't been that bad, I went to get some art supplies and had some quality canvases delivered and I'm going to get back into painting, which I'm super excited about. I've been binge-watching outlander which is an amazing series, at first I thought it wasn't my vibe, but wow is it good, and the male lead is smoking hot, so at least I know I still have a pulse, which is good.

Fri 27 March I got so lost in music today, it was absolutely wonderful, so great that I forgot to eat for 5 hrs. I decided to throw a party on FB Live, I was going to play 2 hours but ended up playing 3 hours, I danced the entire time, it was a great workout. Please tune in to my next one and we can cardio it up together. It was so wonderful playing in my socks too, shoes are overrated. I also had people sign into Houseparty, which is the most incredible app that allows you to video chat with up to 8 people, it truly is making this lockdown far more interactive. I'm really enjoying having time to take a moment, catching up with friends who I've lost contact with for many years from my time in NYC, and Israel. I mean even though I've been home for the last 2 months, I'm very lucky I'm not sick of it. I do remember a time though where I wasn't quite as comfortable in my own presence, fidgety and anxious to get out, to find distractions. it took a lot of work, inner soul searching, self-development and surrendering to get to the point of enjoying my own company. I'm still growing and learning every day and if you look at the situation in a positive light, what a wonderful time to stop, be in the moment, and journey within to unlock your true self, stripped of your personality, your job, your social status, getting in touch with your true essence. Since the economy is crashing and it is no longer a time for parading external material pleasures, I ask you this, what would you do if money was no object? what changes would you make in your life? How would you feed your soul?

Sat 28th March

I woke up this morning and listened to another voice note about the Coronavirus, It sucked me into darkness almost immediately, and I decided enough is enough, I'm not looking at any Facebook news feeds today and reading anything more, I'm in self-quarantine and I'm washing my hands and there is nothing more I can possibly do, so I surrender.

My darling friend Ruby who is like a sister to me and in Tokyo at the moment told me about an awesome dance meditation she had just done, Luckily it was still on Instagram and I logged on and did it. the only way I could describe it is I felt euphoric afterwards like I had some Ecstasy, I felt so inspired and full of love. I have to share it with you it called Suco Sessions, the next one will be on Wednesday on their live feed on Instagram at noon. follow Sucosessions https://instagram.com/sucosessions?igshid=10856dcyxtt2u as I sit here writing, I look outside my window, the ocean is sparkling royal blue and the sky is light with an autumn hue, I am so grateful to be alive, to take this time to do everything I wanted to but never had the time, to learn, to create, to connect on a deeper level with family and friends, to appreciate the little things we take for granted. This pandemic is reminding us that we are all in this together, we are all connected, there is such power in that, as all the spiritual teachings speak about a divine consciousness, maybe only now will we not only see it, but feel it. Let's hope it raises our vibration and the shifts that the world needs will manifest. Sending you all Love, Light and Perfect Health Dani Reference: https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-35972848

"When you are whole the Healing begins"

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